இரசிகன்

இரசிகன் நான் …

வாழ்வை இரசிக்கிறேன்

தூரத்தில் நின்று.

விமர்சகன் அவன் …

இரசிக்க மட்டும் செய்தால்

எப்பொழுது தான் வாழ்வீர்.

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I am not poor socially, may be I was. I am at the top of the cool pyramid, when people are around, I supply laughter. What I am poor is at social networking, I am not one to pick up the phone and chat aimlessly, or visit someone or someplace and be updated on others life events, in short I lack the caring that makes others endearing. I care for the moment, all I could do is may be supply a few laughs or settle the bill for an outing. I don’t seek others and give no reason for them to seek me either.

I am an introvert who crossed over long back. If I hadn’t may be I might have landed good grades and a decent job. It is for the best, I am the happiest for it, it has brought me close to my true passion. I’ve decided to pick a couple of hobbies photography, music for the sole reason to supplement my writing and fill the solitude that might be an aspect of life for some time to come.

I am going to hone and learn additional skill sets required to pursue my passion in the year ahead. Ironically skills are just a part and networking is the major component to succeed in my endeavor like any other. I intend to try and build at least a poor ensemble of online social networking. The contacts that matter for my chosen profession lie ahead. I am the king of the moment and I intend to seize it and not let it pass. In addition to honing my creative skills, I intend to focus on the business angle of the endeavor completely too. I have an edge in that sphere, through education and experience.

I intend not to have any commitments till I fulfill my mission. I hope to complete it within two years.

I intend to make a film of any kind and earn a decent sum out of it.

Not a world changing intention, but a life changing intention, for it was this that brought my life crashing down, and now I realize this is the only way I know, the only way ahead. In the end all will be made well only by undertaking that tedious journey that was once abandoned. As someone recently pointed, it is living life to the fullest and not success or failure that ultimately matters. For even a successful man will have many regrets but the one who lived completely giving his best shall not have a single regret as he closes his eyes.

Missed Bus

(seeing a short story in the blog, I wanted to try one while in travel and to make it fun for me I will try not to think beforehand and let words flow without form or purpose)

The bus slowly dragged along the clogged streets of the wretched city that once again let him down in that god awful interview. The same question, why did you leave your previous job and why such a long break. The same evasive replies that as usual got him nowhere. The bus picked up speed rocking him back and forth. It suddenly lurched throwing him against the roof and his bag was thrown down hard. Story of his life.

He had a small bladder a doc once said. What ever it was he had a difficulty holding it in, and now he needed to go very badly. The story couldn’t get any sorrier. But he wasn’t his old cringing crybaby self anymore. He had grown up, he had toughened, one little thing had made that happen, his daughter.

Right when he thought he couldn’t take anymore, the bus stopped at a hotel for a break. He got down, stretched his legs and after taking care of his urgent need, he came out and lit up a cigarette. His wife was the rock of the family. It was on her earnings that the family ran. She had become demeaning in her behavior towards him. They used to have a lot of fights. Nowadays he grudgingly had began to do as she says, all for the sake of his daughter. He also had to admit that she a woman, has taken the role of provider of the family while he could do nothing.

He was too lost in his thoughts that he had ended up smoking one too many a cigarette. Gathering himself, he went in search of his bus, only to find that it had left without him. He wasn’t worried about his bag, he can collect it from the travel office later. But he had to reach
his home by tomorrow. It was his daughter’s birthday. Her 8th birthday. The gift he had so carefully bought her was in his bag. But it didn’t matter, he can get one later in his hometown.

He enquired in the hotel if any other bus would stop by and got a negative reply. Yet he was told that if he could somehow go to the next town, then he could get buses to his hometown or he could stay at their hotel and travel the next day. He went to the highway in hope of hitching a ride to the next town. He had already missed the last three of his daughter’s birthdays. He didn’t consider himself an alcoholic but he had lost wonderful time with family and a job because of the party life. The job. He had to find a job soon. Not to gain prestige from society, not to escape the cribbing from his wife, but if his daughter is not to experience hardships he faced then more money is needed.

After lots of accusing glares by people inside the cars and outside on the road my patience was rewarded as a family finally stopped taking pity on me. I got in the front seat and in the back were the gentleman’s wife and cute daughter. I told them the story of how I missed my bus and am going to see my daughter. We laughed heartily. On hearing that I was looking for a job he offered a job in his firm saying it might not be up to my standards but the pay was good. I thanked him profusely. He said they had money but no child for a long time before their daughter came along and made them realize that love and not money is important in the world. They dropped me by a fork in the road saying the bus stand is right ahead and they had to take that turn.

I thanked them and started walking thinking of what gift to buy for my daughter. Suddenly from behind a tree jumped a man with a knife. He asked for my wallet, watch and chain. Today I was in no mood to take on this vagrant, even otherwise I don’t think I am man enough, to take him on, hell I was not even the man in my family. Seeing me hesitate, he also hesitated, then with a resolve shouted, “if you don’t give it I will kill you, its for my daughter man, tomorrow’s her birthday, I got no money to get her anything man, just give some money, you keep the wallet and chain”

At that moment a police patrol Jeep passing, stopped seeing us. The guy in fear grabbed me and held the knife to my neck. But he was such an amateur that he gave them a clear shot and the officer took it. After checking they pronounced him dead. They escorted me to the bus stand and helped me board the bus.

On reaching my hometown, I was in a real rush as I was already very late and forgot to get any gift. I realized it only as I was pressing the doorbell of my house. The door opened and standing in the doorway was my wife and behind her my daughter. My wife glared at me and started a tirade on how I was late and had come without a gift. My wife was scolding thus, but I don’t know what came over me, I hugged her, then my daughter and started crying. At that moment I realized that the greatest gift I can give my wife and daughter was being alive and being with them.

What is life

What is this life
one minute boisterous
another preposterous.

Why live it at all
wish we were in mother’s womb cloistered
forever from harsh pressures non flustered.

It ain’t a choice
one just shouldn’t have a chick
for no one is ever there to stick.

What is to live
to drive, push and shove around
where is hidden the old playground.

What is hell
the earth where all live in terror
and devil, just look in the mirror.

What is heaven
it is in our bank account and clock together
just got to unfollow one and slow the other.

I am a kid

I am a kid that never grew up,
never could do chores on my own,
dreams are gone, now empty cup,
peace at last, no skill to be shown;

now saw out of my safe glass house,
true love and joy, where no money was,
daily gather, simple feast, without grouse,
here grand dinner alone, what profit or loss;

yet he wants here, I want there,
all want money, bull or bear,
please hear, after life’s wear and tear,
won’t count money, rather your cheer;

don’t heed him, it is a poor wolf’s cry,
smile a lot, laugh aloud and hold high.

Busybodies

I came pausing a movie I was watching when I remembered I hadn’t returned the favor of some one having visited my blog. I care two hoots about visiting other pages is the truth, I read in my own time and wish. This was different, this friend had an issue, we all do, his is called alcoholism, so if my reading and liking is a help, by all means. The busybodies of the world have no time for even polite chat. May be it is true that the alcoholics and others claim too much time from these busybodies that they’re exhausted. Just remember the table is always spinning and anyone can be at anyplace so just act accordingly.

Success

I am the last person to give advice on success as a living failure in the eyes of the world. I haven’t learnt from failure as to give a ‘how not to’ advice like Edison. I feel I am near to my own success like never before. I won’t go in to questions like what is real success etc. I will try to make this a succinct management rule book.

Success is a cocktail and we will try to fish out the key ingredients.

1. Balance

Balance is success. Balance isn’t just letting yourself or your kids exposed to all opportunities. It is important. Prioritizing is important but you can’t juggle through life. In the end one must let go of a lot many things and stick to the choices made and try for maximum in few and amateur status in rest.

2. People Skills

Even when education guarantees a level of success, in the end those that lack people skills can’t reach beyond a level. You can’t keep your kid in a glass house for ever. Yet you can’t let your kid in the street to become street smart. Here too balanced exposure is needed. The one thing that can be done is not to stifle your kid’s school social activities and networking with friends. People skills can be had any time and open adults can do wonders.

3. Focus

Not too narrow. A broad flexible agenda is a lot better.

4. Hard Work

It is just a matter of discipline and habit forming. Passion helps a lot.

5. Guided approach

If it is a new colleague, a new office, a new exam or a new appraisal, or even if it be the old stuff, don’t take any for granted and a careful preparation ahead of time goes a long way in making you a success.

Confidence, Positive attitude and thinking, preparing for the worse, humility, friendliness and a helping tendency will also help you to become a success.

After writing this I realized I had inadvertently described the polar opposite of me, yet anyone can be a success, rule or no rule, if they just stay till the end, without losing heart.

I chanced upon

I chanced upon
a deep green pond
that sought my whispers
and echoed along.

I was lost
in my sounds
and croaked at the stars
croaked at the moon
without a pause.

Us frogs’ croaks
filled the night time sky
no silence all around.

I once heard a cuckoo
sweet music aspired
in my croaks.

The cuckoos were silent
as I croaked on and on
and I swore to be mute
and not croak anymore
but my nature was just
that I couldn’t shut.

So at last
to give and find peace
I prayed to forever croak. 
(as in die)

That cuckoos may sing
may be spare a song
for us foolish frogs
that tried their hands
and went away for peace.

Living Outside Ourselves

All of us are unique and yet at the same time are part of a bigger stereo type. We often find ourselves unable to do what others do so effortlessly. Yet again we so simply do things beyond the grasp of others.

Life is about simple things. I have had a realization that why break the walls when all you have to do is step out through the door. I have wanted to do a lot many things, especially in the creative sphere from writing to music. It is good, but I never ventured out to do the simple things that every one else is doing. The blogs I see make me want to do a few things.

1. Travel

I used to muse on losing myself alone in new places. Now the wise me wants a flexible, economic tour package, in a group, inside my own country that would more than suffice.

2. Fitness and outdoor sport

I don’t want a six pack; but some regular exercise, a bit of healthy diet and weaning some bad habits would do good. I want to involve at least in one outdoor sport regularly. Of course means joining some club. 

3. Food and Conversation

I need to try out food that others find good and also be on page on current affairs and other topics of interest.

4. Networking and staying connected

This is one skill that I am in dire need of, but have  no clue how. If only bloggers gave me valuable inputs regarding this. Yet this too should be done.

5. Earning livelihood

Yes, there are commitments of a course that wouldn’t let a full time or even part time job. Yet too old to be a dependent, have been too long a dependent, must find a way to earn online.

These are very simple things for most of you. But there must be some things simple for me, that aren’t so for you. Hmm say, defying a cop or a thug and asking him to go to hell, standing firm in your moral righteousness.

In the end, being ourselves is good, but being like the greater crowd, is also good, for we all belong to the very same well spring. Yet, losing one’s morals, identity to be corrupted, isn’t part  of this experience.

Now I am going to work on these 5 topics mentioned. If I come across anything worthy of sharing on these, I will come back to you with the wisdom of the full learning curve of a novice. Do set your goals and try living outside yourselves, it might be lots of fun. It is never late to change ourselves and make a fresh start, even in our deathbeds we can have a change of heart.