I, like the proverbial frog in a well, thought myself to be intelligent and good at writing, especially poems. Far too early I spied on other works and gleaned that they were far too superior. But I felt envy and rage and denial back then. Forgive me I am a child at heart, someone not grown in to an adult yet as my brother often pointed out. This time though when I came across brilliant verses I enjoyed it immensely. The aftermath was not envy or disappointment or self loathing instead it too was joy. I was overjoyed to have witnessed such beauty that springs from the human minds. I consider myself a novice or apprentice of sorts. For the new found joy some credit must go to the magic weavers who made me feel at home and welcome by their visits and encouragements to my humble verses.
It might not have anything to do with that at all. May be today I woke up on the right side of bed. What it was, was a new outlook on life. I used to be the soul of a party. To us middle class Indians party means chugging a few drinks over the table or having a hearty dinner. Anyway friends loved me for I was an incredibly fun person. There was humorous banter and I didn’t mind and in fact did make myself intentionally the subject of simple minded laughter. But there must be people for there to be laughter. I was isolated except for limited company at odd times. In short I was alone. The school and college buses were gone. Gone the days of innumerable friends and endless joy. My friends now can be counted in my fingers. Life happened and made me lose touch with friends. I got down from the work bus after a very short time. That is about to change with the opening of my restaurant.
People especially my friends envy me for the carefree life I led devoid of a wife and family baggage. I too enjoyed even in my idleness using amazon prime and netflix for movies and libgen to get the fiction books I need. My writings though tend to cling on the sadness, spite and sufferings in my so called jolly life. For solitude and idleness took a toll. Yet all that might change from today. I might be moving slowly to my old chipper self. I might turn out to be the protagonist of the novel Goodbye Mr.Chips instead of becoming a grumpy old man.
All this positivity from the new outlook or rather gaining back my old self. Oh, to think that I of all people had turned in to a sort of a whiner even in the context of my writings. I still shall write sad verses but hope to do jollily so. If T.S Elliot’s take on the suffering mind and the creative self is true then let my writings be mediocre but I shall be happy. That was said to make a point but I intend to pursue writing and mastering the craft especially of poetry slowly but steadily. I don’t know what started my writing may be my shy nature and inability to be popular like my brother, may be was the reason I wrote for my eyes only, in the first place. Now I write, for I have to write. I write for writing’s sake. Like doing a crossword or a sudoko puzzle for some. Writing verses gives me joy. But I also want the joy of sharing to encourage me more. That is why the blog has rekindled my writing after almost a couple of decades. I am just thirty seven but God I really feel old but not tired with the new outlook.
I am happy now and wishing the same for you guys. A new outlook was all that it took. Happy blogging.