I am happy

I am happy today about my life. I don’t know about tomorrow.
Each day steady sway, no new mysteries.

In the quest for writing I almost lost the all important skill of reading.

I no longer wish to be a creator, I want to enjoy finer things in life like books and movies. But stuck at this moment even reading a book or seeing a movie seems an uphill task. Slowly I gotta ease back into my old self and old life.

My goal has shifted from being successful to being a simpleton leading a simple life. I need support for this cause, for as much as for a successful life, leading a simple life is tough pursuit.

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I am not poor socially, may be I was. I am at the top of the cool pyramid, when people are around, I supply laughter. What I am poor is at social networking, I am not one to pick up the phone and chat aimlessly, or visit someone or someplace and be updated on others life events, in short I lack the caring that makes others endearing. I care for the moment, all I could do is may be supply a few laughs or settle the bill for an outing. I don’t seek others and give no reason for them to seek me either.

I am an introvert who crossed over long back. If I hadn’t may be I might have landed good grades and a decent job. It is for the best, I am the happiest for it, it has brought me close to my true passion. I’ve decided to pick a couple of hobbies photography, music for the sole reason to supplement my writing and fill the solitude that might be an aspect of life for some time to come.

I am going to hone and learn additional skill sets required to pursue my passion in the year ahead. Ironically skills are just a part and networking is the major component to succeed in my endeavor like any other. I intend to try and build at least a poor ensemble of online social networking. The contacts that matter for my chosen profession lie ahead. I am the king of the moment and I intend to seize it and not let it pass. In addition to honing my creative skills, I intend to focus on the business angle of the endeavor completely too. I have an edge in that sphere, through education and experience.

I intend not to have any commitments till I fulfill my mission. I hope to complete it within two years.

I intend to make a film of any kind and earn a decent sum out of it.

Not a world changing intention, but a life changing intention, for it was this that brought my life crashing down, and now I realize this is the only way I know, the only way ahead. In the end all will be made well only by undertaking that tedious journey that was once abandoned. As someone recently pointed, it is living life to the fullest and not success or failure that ultimately matters. For even a successful man will have many regrets but the one who lived completely giving his best shall not have a single regret as he closes his eyes.

Busybodies

I came pausing a movie I was watching when I remembered I hadn’t returned the favor of some one having visited my blog. I care two hoots about visiting other pages is the truth, I read in my own time and wish. This was different, this friend had an issue, we all do, his is called alcoholism, so if my reading and liking is a help, by all means. The busybodies of the world have no time for even polite chat. May be it is true that the alcoholics and others claim too much time from these busybodies that they’re exhausted. Just remember the table is always spinning and anyone can be at anyplace so just act accordingly.

Success

I am the last person to give advice on success as a living failure in the eyes of the world. I haven’t learnt from failure as to give a ‘how not to’ advice like Edison. I feel I am near to my own success like never before. I won’t go in to questions like what is real success etc. I will try to make this a succinct management rule book.

Success is a cocktail and we will try to fish out the key ingredients.

1. Balance

Balance is success. Balance isn’t just letting yourself or your kids exposed to all opportunities. It is important. Prioritizing is important but you can’t juggle through life. In the end one must let go of a lot many things and stick to the choices made and try for maximum in few and amateur status in rest.

2. People Skills

Even when education guarantees a level of success, in the end those that lack people skills can’t reach beyond a level. You can’t keep your kid in a glass house for ever. Yet you can’t let your kid in the street to become street smart. Here too balanced exposure is needed. The one thing that can be done is not to stifle your kid’s school social activities and networking with friends. People skills can be had any time and open adults can do wonders.

3. Focus

Not too narrow. A broad flexible agenda is a lot better.

4. Hard Work

It is just a matter of discipline and habit forming. Passion helps a lot.

5. Guided approach

If it is a new colleague, a new office, a new exam or a new appraisal, or even if it be the old stuff, don’t take any for granted and a careful preparation ahead of time goes a long way in making you a success.

Confidence, Positive attitude and thinking, preparing for the worse, humility, friendliness and a helping tendency will also help you to become a success.

After writing this I realized I had inadvertently described the polar opposite of me, yet anyone can be a success, rule or no rule, if they just stay till the end, without losing heart.

Living Outside Ourselves

All of us are unique and yet at the same time are part of a bigger stereo type. We often find ourselves unable to do what others do so effortlessly. Yet again we so simply do things beyond the grasp of others.

Life is about simple things. I have had a realization that why break the walls when all you have to do is step out through the door. I have wanted to do a lot many things, especially in the creative sphere from writing to music. It is good, but I never ventured out to do the simple things that every one else is doing. The blogs I see make me want to do a few things.

1. Travel

I used to muse on losing myself alone in new places. Now the wise me wants a flexible, economic tour package, in a group, inside my own country that would more than suffice.

2. Fitness and outdoor sport

I don’t want a six pack; but some regular exercise, a bit of healthy diet and weaning some bad habits would do good. I want to involve at least in one outdoor sport regularly. Of course means joining some club. 

3. Food and Conversation

I need to try out food that others find good and also be on page on current affairs and other topics of interest.

4. Networking and staying connected

This is one skill that I am in dire need of, but have  no clue how. If only bloggers gave me valuable inputs regarding this. Yet this too should be done.

5. Earning livelihood

Yes, there are commitments of a course that wouldn’t let a full time or even part time job. Yet too old to be a dependent, have been too long a dependent, must find a way to earn online.

These are very simple things for most of you. But there must be some things simple for me, that aren’t so for you. Hmm say, defying a cop or a thug and asking him to go to hell, standing firm in your moral righteousness.

In the end, being ourselves is good, but being like the greater crowd, is also good, for we all belong to the very same well spring. Yet, losing one’s morals, identity to be corrupted, isn’t part  of this experience.

Now I am going to work on these 5 topics mentioned. If I come across anything worthy of sharing on these, I will come back to you with the wisdom of the full learning curve of a novice. Do set your goals and try living outside yourselves, it might be lots of fun. It is never late to change ourselves and make a fresh start, even in our deathbeds we can have a change of heart.

Complete wish list

The phrase bucket list stands for the final wish list as derived from the phrase kicking the bucket which means death. Now it is used as any wish list, summer, winter etc without association to the final wish.

Whatever it is, my blogs, expression of myself are getting angry and morose. I intend to reflect other things equally. Here is the complete wish list of my life, fulfilled or not, from baby self to death.

As a baby child

Clung to my mom and wished those strangers would leave me again into the hands of my mom.

As a child

Clung to the folds of the saree of my mom, while wishing those strangers would seek me out and talk to me instead; of my brother.

As a teen

Wished the girls flocking my dad and brother would turn to me too. Wished girls would overcome superficiality to admire innate qualities.

As a youth

Rebel, have lots of fun with loads of friends and the greatest of guts.

As an adult

Financial independence in form of a job, pinnacle of success taking the unbeaten track.
(This never happened and may be why many don’t accept me as an adult)

A true romance, some girl to say she loves me true.
(This happened yet as solace, may be not whom I seek)

At present

Seeking a place in the creative field and maybe postpone the marriage forced by my loved ones. In short seeking a position to give me freedom I never had.

Future

To do something creative; documentary or something online, or directly, to foster change : to transform political governance and structure of big businesses. To see an upliftment of the current level of the proletariat.

Bucket wish

Die young, a fantasy is to die by gunfire, a bullet that Gandhi, Lincoln and Che Guevara had.

Happiness Tag

I’ve been writing toooooooo seriously for toooooooo long now. Ouch. I cringe my nose as I see my posts. Che photo, blah blah, boring poems. 😭 I say again I actually am funny. 😂

I saw something called happiness tag in some blog. You say 5 things that make you happy and 5 songs you like. Ha, it actually needs being invited and inviting others in the end. Since when were we bound by rules. For perspective, I am a 30 ish single guy, in India, middle class. That’s a world apart from few bloggers.

5 Things that make me happy.

1. Pretty Girls

Now and always, seeing them, chatting up with them.

2. Kids, pets and family relations

Love spending time with them.

3. Books, Movies and Music

Favorite pastime. Somehow now its time for movies and not much books, music.

4. Friends, dining and occasional booze

This is a must at times, as I might have been locked up and not ventured out that day. I make it a point to step out and go somewhere at least once.

5. Doing creative things

Seen my scribblings, soon you’ll have to bear with photographs and other surprising stuff.

5 Songs liked most

I have not been exposed to English songs that much, intend to change it. Yet here is 5.

1. Desperado – Eagles
2. Hotel California – Eagles
3. New kid in town – Eagles
4. Smooth Criminal – Michael Jackson
5. By the rivers of Babylon – Boney M

I hope you enjoy reading this post as much as I have enjoyed writing it.

My crown, I suffer most

My god, am I in the right place or should I say great Rand why am I here. Now more than ever I believe that I should have made Rand my god instead of keeping an open mind and seeking greater or other truths.

Most of my posts are inspired from the blog world. I believe they not only represent the world but also the brighter side of it. Let us say Ayn Rand believed that abilitities and skills should decide an individual’s position and not his needs. Also emphasized individual’s rights over weighed the collective and lot many things.

Here everyone is selling something, that is okay, most are trying to cash in on their weaknesses and afflictions which I know to be genuine. I don’t believe in fakes. In short pity and their needs are being sold like hot cakes. This is symptomatic of the modern world’s greatest affliction to exploit others generosity or compassion, which in turn comes from the need to ease guilt.

Helen Kellers of the world aren’t known for their affliction, some know them for what they did despite that, we know her for what she did beyond that. Here some revealing their short comings pitifully, yet go beyond that to reveal great talent of immense measure and are not even interested in money and want only sharing. All I ask is why? But why the pitiful pitch?

Who am I to ask this? In talent and skill I am unfit to kiss the dust that the foot of these giants have tread on. I too have an affliction that has crashed my life several times over, yet I can’t give that as an excuse as I have seen people with far greater afflictions do greater things. I am at the bottom of the dog pile and Ayn Rand’s theory has no space for the likes of us, it is about inspiring to reach heights. Even from the bottom i don’t grudge Rand’s theory.

It is in the arena of political and economic power that change is needed and a need based approach is needed in specific areas to create a level playing field. It is in this area that I hope to run with Che in the opposite direction to Ayn Rand. But remember the Ches of the world will never cringe show me mercy, I have needs, I have a love, I have Tanya, so please spare me.

Despite all this I not only understand but have a strong urge, need to share my affliction, agony, pain, in that process hear another’s sojourn there, cry on each other’s shoulders.

Yet that cannot be a claim for my need or even my love (very lately realized).

In short let us pause for the whiners and respect the doers and whine little ourselves and try to do more.

And the winner is…

As a young and gracious person, it doesn’t matter what berth I book in a train, I always end up in the upper berth. For how can I refuse the old, I do give them space. I have to use the restroom often at night, but I don’t tell them that. There are some who don’t do even these little things.

As a man, I do all the legwork for girls who ask, driving in crazy unknown city lanes that I don’t normally do. I give them space to take rest and ease.

As an old person I’m sure I’ll be giving space to the headstrong young to find their place in this world.

By popular notion, when will a person have a space of his own? The answer is simple, when he has a need for his own.

So people say I got a wife and kid, I got a bad leg, I’m mentally disturbed and claim space. This need based world is what Ayn Rand fights to the core. But the flaw in an ability based system is what ability and by what standards, and why the chance to develop the ability was never given to a broad section of people.

So after this, what am I going to say new. Nothing. Life is like a race between the hare and the tortoise, but forget the moral about who will win the race, for what if they ran in different directions. We gotta race, for what else are we here. But never judge others harshly and utter callous words, thinking it is for their good.

What direction I am running is in the About section, but it is those running in the opposite direction that I respect and admire, for it is they who set my pace.

Believe in

Some of us believe in man as the ideal and the ideal man (even if it be not trending now). It isn’t about believing ourselves ideal. It is about believing in an ideal and living life that way. It isn’t about being impractical either. If you sink to depths for fake pleasure and platitudes, only you will know the costs and also you might not have a true sense of achievement and pride. Yet if you live truly giving the best, then you will feel mountain high even in abyss. As Ayn Rand says you’ll feel it isn’t the earth carrying you but rather it is anchored at your feet by your strength.