I am a cave man

I am a cave man,
far removed from reality,
wondrous stalactites
hanging from the roof,
sharp stalagmites
sprouting from the ground,
reflected in me unshaven
and shabbily dressed,
care two hoots
about society’s rules.
Yet pains my soul,
waiting in a far off cave,
beyond human trespass,
for the footstep
of a cave girl.

I wish I were a girl

I wish I were a girl,
as I look in the mirror,
a dress billowing as I twirl,
a secret wish of terror;

to be held firm by a man,
to submit fully to his will,
wear dress that invites a ban,
a kiss that forever hold still;

could be done in world today,
but what will society think,
or if feeling doesn’t last a day,
can’t remove the horrible stink;

neither trans nor bi sexual being,
older I get, I get an asexual feeling.

Heavenly girl

The hill was steep and high, viewed from the bottom,
yet when conquered, from atop, seemed tiny as a dot,
slippery path, challenges, where hurdles sprung from?
yet we climb in packs, and alone, for left behind is to rot;

some content rested down, while others climbed quickly,
yet some like me stopped halfway, those in pack carried,
solitary as I was, didn’t have that luxury, bowed meekly,
how long to loiter in a limbo, my weak heart beats varied;

the journey was tiring, yet sweet so far, I’ve really come far,
for these heights tiny for life climbers, but lofty for me fresher,
oh, birds of high trees don’t weep for me, a failed fallen star,
what use my life been, late lament, to be put to the thresher;

I waited, waited long and silent, for some beast to tear a piece,
then a heavenly girl, out worldly said, come with me in peace.

A tired maiden

A tired maiden, soulful, ravishing and eloquent,

in plain distress, sat and brooded on high hills,

seen her cheery self prance here far too frequent,

dangerously perched on cliff, not for cheap thrills;

lost in grief over the demise of a kindly pet dog,

never seen men mourn departed family so intense,

what thoughtful words to soothe and lift the fog,

she’ll tear any fake tears or shallow pretence;

spell bound as witnessed the beauty in grief,

not shedding a tear, not lamenting, sitting quiet,

shrunken and pale like a withered autumn leaf,

such worry harsh, mix pain and joy, balanced diet;

what made such love and care for a lost pet,

yet none for me who bared all, the day we met. 

Like Popeye and spinach

Like Popeye and spinach,

were you and I,

that is why the heart ache,

when you left me dry,

I planned kids with you,

the whole family theme,

a dreamy picture I drew,

I let you down and your dream;

for what it is worth,

I cherish those happy days,

spent with you in mirth,

now diverging our ways;

you taught me one true cure for sure,

not to seek anyone new for I am impure.

 

The Sea Beckons 5 – Slum Girl

[ Velan was an unmarried 37 year old guy. He was unmarried because he had BPD, a condition which led to episodes of insanity for him. At other times he was normal and extremely intelligent. He had a brother Vishnu and a business partner of the family Sridhar. They were in the process of setting up a restaurant for Velan]

It was a Monday and there were very few people on the beach. Velan was sitting alone facing the sea. He wasn’t an ardent admirer of nature yet the sea always seemed to beckon him and he heeded the call at times. Far ahead in the distance a girl in a blue jean and white T – shirt was sitting alone just like him. She was facing the sea and Velan couldn’t discern the features of her face.

A kid selling groundnuts came up to him. Velan bought some groundnuts from him.

“Why are you here alone?” asked the boy.

“Why you must have seen many like me come alone here?” asked Velan.

“Not really, mostly couples and families come here or some come with friends?”

“There is a girl over there alone don’t you see her?”

“Oh, I know her. She is different. Want me to introduce her to you?”

Velan laughed at this and said, “You seem mature for your age. Are you studying?”

“Yes, I am in 8th grade and sell groundnuts only in the evening. Okay I’ll take care of business and see you around if you are still here,” said the boy and left.

Velan sat idly for some time staring at the beach. Then he took a cigarette and tried to light it with a match box. But the breeze was heavy and he wasted almost half of the matchbox trying to light up the cigarette. Velan was so busy doing this that he didn’t see the person hovering near.

“Give me the match box,” said the girl and sat near him.

Velan looked at the beautiful fair girl in the white T – shirt and blue jeans with astonishment. He gave her the match box. The girl deftly lighted a match and cupped her hands holding the light for Velan to light up. Velan lit it and dragged heavily on the cigarette and exhaled in joy and relief.

“How come…,” Velan started but was cut off by her.

“The kid selling groundnuts told me that you were sitting here all alone and depressed. I came to see if I could cheer you up.”

Velan smiled at this and asked “How did you light up the match?”

“I smoke here a lot that I am used to it.”

After a few puffs Velan offered the cigarette to her. Both Velan and the girl sat silently sharing the cigarette and staring at the ocean.

After a while Velan said, “I am Velan. A restaurant is being set up for me and it will start shortly. I live in Rajiv Nagar.”

“I am Mercy,” said the girl and cocking her head at Velan added, “I live here in the slum on that side of the beach.”

Velan asked in surprise, “But the jeans and T – shirt?”

“Why what made you think that slum dwellers can’t dress like this?”

“Oh sorry, do you study?”

“My studies are over I work in Diamond flowers, the artificial flower export company.”

That made sense to Velan for daily wage labourers, mostly girls with little to no schooling worked there.

“So you have studied till what grade in school?”

Mercy laughed at this and said, “What arrogant thinking? I’ve completed M.A English literature and am an assistant manager, customer relations, at Diamond flowers. I am simultaneously doing my Phd.”

“Then why do you still live in the slums?”

“It is my home. Moreover I got the job recently and am planning to shift with my parents and brother to a different proper rented house. My home is here therefore I loiter here but why have you come here?”

“I am mostly alone. I have only a couple of friends in this town. They too get busy with their families. Being single I don’t have anywhere to go. The sea calls me to come here at times.”

It grew dark. It was time for the girl to head back home. They both exchanged phone numbers and went in their separate ways.

The Sea Beckons 6 – Blogging girl

I smile

I smile at the stars

the stars smile on her

I thought I was one of her anchors

I was a deadweight I heard her whisper;

I don’t hold a grudge

for I am worthless

as I myself judge

can’t find any likeness;

she left me when I needed her most

but I did cope with resilient vigour

I did in totality get toast,

but emerged stronger;

from lovesick puppy I transformed in to a tiger,

till I summit I won’t on any girl linger.

If I were a grasshopper

If I were a grasshopper

I would hop from tree to tree,

If I were a party pooper

I would issue my own decree,

Alas I am an ugly duckling

Wish I could hang to be free;

If I were a guy

I would seek flesh, ever sly,

If I were a girl

would never entice, hide beneath skirts, never twirl;

Don’t ask me what am I then, why so bitter?

for the confused mad mind has no gender;

If a mad mind’s all wishes were to come true,

It would be hell on earth anew.