Out from home

Out from home on a walk, lost in thoughts, lost my way,

darkest hour of night when skies hide and owls sleep,

a failure I was, not knowing my backyard even at day,

cursed like me to hang in a limbo the skies did weep;

drenched to bone was the perilous journey worth it,

to catch a fair lady said to show now by the rail track,

sure was her that haunted my dreams and waking wit,

accepting defeat if I turned now chance to be safely back;

frightened by the strange apparition none approached,

only me with the vision can near what experts can’t,

two paths, forward seeking treasure none broached,

or back to safety, head bowed, burying forever heart’s want,

both paths agonising for a meandering dreaming novice like me,

chose to let someone find me, relinquishing ability to ever be free.

 

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Living Outside Ourselves

All of us are unique and yet at the same time are part of a bigger stereo type. We often find ourselves unable to do what others do so effortlessly. Yet again we so simply do things beyond the grasp of others.

Life is about simple things. I have had a realization that why break the walls when all you have to do is step out through the door. I have wanted to do a lot many things, especially in the creative sphere from writing to music. It is good, but I never ventured out to do the simple things that every one else is doing. The blogs I see make me want to do a few things.

1. Travel

I used to muse on losing myself alone in new places. Now the wise me wants a flexible, economic tour package, in a group, inside my own country that would more than suffice.

2. Fitness and outdoor sport

I don’t want a six pack; but some regular exercise, a bit of healthy diet and weaning some bad habits would do good. I want to involve at least in one outdoor sport regularly. Of course means joining some club. 

3. Food and Conversation

I need to try out food that others find good and also be on page on current affairs and other topics of interest.

4. Networking and staying connected

This is one skill that I am in dire need of, but have  no clue how. If only bloggers gave me valuable inputs regarding this. Yet this too should be done.

5. Earning livelihood

Yes, there are commitments of a course that wouldn’t let a full time or even part time job. Yet too old to be a dependent, have been too long a dependent, must find a way to earn online.

These are very simple things for most of you. But there must be some things simple for me, that aren’t so for you. Hmm say, defying a cop or a thug and asking him to go to hell, standing firm in your moral righteousness.

In the end, being ourselves is good, but being like the greater crowd, is also good, for we all belong to the very same well spring. Yet, losing one’s morals, identity to be corrupted, isn’t part  of this experience.

Now I am going to work on these 5 topics mentioned. If I come across anything worthy of sharing on these, I will come back to you with the wisdom of the full learning curve of a novice. Do set your goals and try living outside yourselves, it might be lots of fun. It is never late to change ourselves and make a fresh start, even in our deathbeds we can have a change of heart.

A distant shimmer

A distant shimmer, snowy mountain caps,
all just glorious words in this empty mind,
never went far, farthest I went were stars,
never danced in the wind, never did unwind;

never known true love from a girl,
never found any, to call her my true love,
alone I travel inside my mind in a twirl,
never shared sweetness, couldn’t rise above;

never independent, follow rules for money,
couldn’t do thoughtless work, way unstable, half filled pockets, little pride, home’s mercy,
all love me, yet can’t help judge, Oh! the label;

ha! fooled you, money, leisure is pure pleasure,
but the heart beat cries for freedom’s treasure.

Leashed

Purpose. Everyone has a purpose is a truth I conceded long ago. But what then is my purpose is something I will never know. Yet I’ve made an attempt to unearth the purpose of my life and shed a light on everyone else’s.  All my life I’ve wanted to make a movie. The goal has never wavered and is still on. But now it is the aspiration for a vocation, just like any other and primarily to make money. When I found Che through this blog, fermenting social change or being a part of it, became my primary aspiration. Movie is a way and is still on. I am as much a human being as the rest of us and a lesser kind of the species in fact and want what all of us want, freedom and happiness. I know it can’t be unbridled, and our job and family and other aspirations’ commitments shape our lives, as much as freedom to do what we really want.

All of my friends are earning, married and have children. I haven’t ever had a real job, if you don’t count the two half yearly stints. I am a dependent on my parents, but never lack for money and am well supplied. I am said to have Bipolar Disorder, some sort of psychiatric disorder. I am single and am happy about it so far, and am thinking of it for the long haul.

Every one feels chained. Everyone overcomes this and transform their chains into walls and live within its boundaries, a happy family or professional life. I am happy as I am is a partly true claim. If well funded and free, anyone can be, is my humble opinion. I haven’t deserved, it might be true, but since when did people have to deserve their happiness. If so I haven’t heard of it. If you can be happy without harming another’s interest grab it with both your hands, I say.

I feel like a dog on a leash and my claim has some substance. The leash has two parts. One is money which is vital. The next is gratitude and affection and what would come to my family if I walk out. All my friends and other peers are taking charge in some form or the other. They take their decisions or at least claim so while their wives are away. I am being set for marriage. For me marriage is trading one leash for another. I pant for freedom. I want to take at least a few laps of unbridled freedom before I heed society. Taking time out or late life commitment is a common thing in most countries but not in India. If it is a choice between freedom and family life, I would choose freedom, as I haven’t taken it in fully yet.

I am not an abstract person talking of abstract freedom either. My freedom has concrete shape. I want to travel alone, to ponder the Taj, and take a dip in the Ganges. Does that mean, later I would fall in line. No I would be headquartered in Chennai and trying to make documentaries or something. So is it for the Taj or the documentary, is it my freedom? No it is my lifestyle I am fighting  for. More importantly the freedom to choose my lifestyle. It has  to be my choice and not enforced. Lifestyle is Life. The argument against my independence is BPD. What good is a secured life lived within the walls. When I am prepared to die for my freedom, will you stop me on account of a cold. I will end this post with two quotes that guide me in this regard.

“Far better to live your own path imperfectly than to live another’s path perfectly” –  Bhagvad Gita

“Any society that will give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both” – Benjamin Franklin